Daddy, I want to come home

I had wanted to spill it all out to my dad tonight. Want to tell him the truth. Want to have his blessings. Want him to understand how important it is to me. Want him to know what I have been through.

Determined, I called. Hoping that dad will answer and we will have a heart to heart talk. I love how dad squeal in delight whenever I surprised him by calling his office. Reminds me of how much I miss spending time with him at home. And how much our character resembles each other.

The ringing lasted forever.

At last, there were no answer.

Is this an omen?

I won't want to break my old man's heart...

After all, he is the most important man in my life.

Caught In between

I need the strength.

I need the answers.

I need a friend.

I felt lost and unfulfilled in this journey. I was very contented before.

But now...

I felt something is missing. I felt a part of me has been taken away.

Is this truly what I had wanted?

Or is this how I am awarded for stepping on the pedal?

A deserted campus

Easter's long holiday is finally here. Campus is literally empty for the time being. Long holidays in HK is really rare; unlike Msia. We were too slacking and unfortunately, still.

So.... What will I be doing?

Well, I have a few good books to keep me company. Plus, all the time in the world to do whatever I want. And lots of drops from the sky to keep me curled up in bed the whole day. Spacious gym and all the luxurious access to any equipments I want. No queue!!!

Hopefully.

Nevertheless, will be a nice weekend of a much needed rest...

Braving the steps

I wonder if what I said in my conversation with my sister would be held against me?
I wonder....ME:
i found a new meaning to my phd
i dont have to complete it
because i already knew what i can achieved

SHE:
hahahaha... yes

ME:
and i dont want to achieve it for someone else

SHE:
it's all yours...

ME:
i dont want o help nathalie anymore
i cannot save the world

SHE:
no one can take it from you even if you want to give it away...

ME:
i cannot establish a southeast asia zone

SHE:
you alone cannot...

ME:
i cannot be the best in southeast asia
not because i am not
but because i dont need to prove so hard to be one
i dont want to care what she thinks of my work anymore
not because it doesnt matter
but it matters so much to me, than it matters meaningless to her
i am reluctant to help her solve her puzzle

SHE:
totally agree with you...

ME:
she needs a proper way to do so
i tried to help her,
but without her selfless act, i am a soldier fighting my own war
if she has a personal life to deal with, so do i
i am not forever mortal

SHE:
so you don't want to be the general, major, captain, lieutenant, rookie etc etc etc anymore???

ME:
huh?

SHE:
you go to war mah...

ME:
i am the recruit
always the frontline
to die first

SHE:
one person war so have to wear all rank lor
hahahahah
yeah lor...

ME:
.............
now i know why everybody leaves
this place is not worth staying at all
if i chose to leave,
it doesnt mean that im useless
or im not determined enough to stay put and endure
but it is because im finally strong enough
after learning and achieving so much
and earned a doctorate on my own
the recognition, doesnt have to come from somebody else
life is too short for them

Fears

One of my biggest fear is playing with blades.

Tomorrow I'm going to be tested on one.

Blade oh Blade, Please don't fly out.

Fear oh Fear, Please subside.

The difference between my neighbour and I

Ackley, Sophie and TT

Ackley : Hey TT, this is Sophie.

Sophie : Hi. [and looked elsewhere]

TT : Hi Sophie!! Erm, hello! [confused]

TT : Are you from HKU?

Sophie : Mm. [and looked away]

Ackley : Sophie's from Biological Sciences. [trying to connect dots]

TT : Ok. [smile]

TT : So, you're a grad student from HK?

Sophie : I'm half Australian. Half Singaporean.

TT : Oh, I see. [smile]

Sophie : You?? YOu are M'sia right??? [eyes rolled]

TT : Yeah, I'm your neighbour. [calmly]

Sophie : Ah. That's what I thought. You can't be S'porean. You're too polite. [look who's talking]

TT : [smile]

-pointless chatter took place over wine between the three. 90% of the time, Sophie was all over Ackley.

Sophie : Hey, let's go grab dinner, shall we? [looking entirely at Ackley]

Ackley : Sure! [who have been looking at TT all the time]

Sophie : great [still looking at Ackley]

TT : Great! Then you guys can go ahead without me. I've other dinner to attend to.

Ackley : Awww... too bad... You sure?

Sophie : [failed to hide her wide curved lips] Really??!!

TT : Yup, you guys have fun. [smile]

TT : Nice to meet you Sophie [smileeeeeee]

TT : Take care!

Sophie : You too. [mimicking a cat's purring]

Sophie : Ok! Let's go. [aimed at Ackley]

Sophie : Bye.

In the end, TT could not retrieved her rolling head...

oh, by the way, Ackley is a blond American.

The Snooze Button

phdcomics

Why am I here now?

" Teng,

You are being trained to be a Professor.

Not to be a student. "

Do you realize that?

Careers that depress you

Is your job stressing you out?

Check out whether your career is the actual thing that made you depressed.

10 careers with high rates of depression.




I'm sure mine is.

Happy 1st Anniversary

Hi Hong Kong,

I remembered clearly 01/09/2009. The first time I stepped into Hong Kong. A foreign land. No idea of what awaits me. No expectation of what lies ahead. Not well prepared to embrace the cultural shock and differences. Not knowing that I'd sustain here until now.

I vividly recall when I first step down from the plane. Ok. I was all alone. Lost and unsure. Blur and insecure. I really do not know, where did courage found its way and accompanied me all the way. It is indeed, a BIG step.

I still remember how shocked I was every time I had an encounter with Hongkie. Startled by their straight-forward and none-of-my-business manners, I was always victimised emotionally. Now, I understood. IT is in their culture. Sarcasm is their manners. Realistic is how they view. Highly system- and policy-oriented SAR. The business manifested society. A financial hub.

Hong Kong surprised me in many way, as much as how I surprised myself. And there's never an end to new discoveries and learning to overcome or embrace them. Small but compact. Flexible in many ways but still rigid.

Hong Kong proved to be a good touristy place. Excellent transportation. Informative resources. Accessible in every way. A planned society. Too many things to see and to be delighted with. But, only short term. Nobody would tourist for 4 years in Hong Kong.

One thing I learned, in a multicultural society, we blend in not by adapting and losing our own cultures. But to adapt and enrich the society with my culture. I am not a local, I am a foreigner.

I found the most ideal [quite] way to adjust to you. I just hope that your people would smile more. Coz I won't give up my smile.

Hong Kong, you're part of my life now.

HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY...

I'm paid to play?

Hmmm... a lot of people whom I've met, are very surprised and excited with what I am doing.

People begin to ask alot of questions and regretting why they have not heard of such opportunities in their country or when they select courses in university.

I wonder if they really understand what I'm doing?

In the end, all the information that they interpreted were ...

I am being paid to play.

"You should read more"

It takes only one word to shut you up.

"You should do more reading."

And you just,

shutted...

Too DUE of a list

for us,

the most prioritised things,

are often

the least attractive ones.

PhD - painfully heeded determination

" PhD is a process... which takes time...

• to identify the gaps and then learn the skills to achieve it

• so that in the end, we achieve the scholarship

• not to expect that we have the scholarship and that's why we do PhD

• that to have come this far, we have demonstrated that we have the ability

• what we need now is to learn the skill to become a "professional" researcher

When faced with difficulties, know that that is a signal that things are not going right and change - either strategies, methods, output - whatever

• but don't stay with the same things in the same situation - difficulty will just continue

• it's all about learning the academic game

• to win, one must know the rules and regulations "

I remember PhD was not at all like this before....

When has it been commercialised?