Words ringing in my head

Hang in there.

That's the favourite word used by everyone when they tried to talked me out of what I had in mind. I held onto it up til now.And it works. Because I trust these people.

A journey, if I were to tell out aloud, makes eyes widen with disbelief. Expecting bombardment of questioning thoughts. Unsurprisingly, I never utter a single word about it. Not that I'm swollen with ego. there's nothing to be proud of being caught in this drama. But, I am not too keen to share about it as well. Having to go through this journey already drained more than half of me. I still need the other half for these remaining years..

Lately, it has been asphyxiating. NOthing seems to be hitting the right note. And I have been battered with fatigue and endless pressure...

I miss living my life. And now, I am saying as if I am forced to live a life that I have no liken to. Strange feeling.

But, I find no words to debate against it.

So, I need to keep holding on.

I have a bigger heart

Most of the time, I am very serious, dedicated, responsible and concern in things that matters most in my point of view. Recently, I found out that my attentiveness towards little things that seem unimportant to others, is inviting heartbreak. To me. I also found out that people tend to take advantage of such vulnerable side of me.

So, I will learn to let go. No anger. No prejudice. No bad feelings.
I forgive all of you.
I felt relieved and lifted.
Because I learned that my heart is bigger.

Strangers at heart

She might turn left. I might turn right.

We might be strangers.

But we still meet at the intersection.

And we cross each other's path, unknowingly.

My new disbelief

I want to start disbelieving people.

Not because of what they say, but..

because they are unbelieveably fake.

Happy for you

I am happy for you.

I am.

And you know who you are.

A holiday....

Everyone in my office has left for their respective holidays. Back to their own home (I mean country)... celebrating with their loved ones...

Alex said to me, "Merry Christmas!!!" before she left the office just now. I turned and asked her, "You're leaving already??" She answered yes excitedly, and bid goodbye to her pathetic office table opposite mine. :)

I don't realize time travelled that fast.

It's 20mins past eight now... And I'm still in the office.

I am no God

It's very difficult to be surrounded by friends who won't relief themselves off the negativity hook. Most of the time, you, yourself are trying so hard to make ends meet, to fight for your own life and trying to make the world a better place for everyone.

These friends can't stop being stuck in their sad, depressed and unhappy state. They fight, debate and argue - senseless, with you. People who tend to complicate their minds for the simplest matter and blame the world for what they have become. Those who thought they are blessed but cannot be grateful for who they are. And they question you when you answered, 'why', 'no', 'not', 'dont want' etc.

And these friends...

They caught you off guard

...when they say things that hurts.

They caught you further off guard

...when they have suicidal thoughts.

They crushed you

...when they blame it on life, family and religion.

They crushed you further

...when they don't think you were there for them.

No matter how much you tried to turn their life around, cheering them on, opening their life to a whole broader world, patting their backs, accompanying them all the way, stay still when the whole world shook for them. And yet, they crawled back to their comfort zone, and be a recluse against the world.

I tried. Sadly, I failed to help you.

Sigh...

Friend, I am no God. I think, you need one.

The difference between my neighbour and I

Ackley, Sophie and TT

Ackley : Hey TT, this is Sophie.

Sophie : Hi. [and looked elsewhere]

TT : Hi Sophie!! Erm, hello! [confused]

TT : Are you from HKU?

Sophie : Mm. [and looked away]

Ackley : Sophie's from Biological Sciences. [trying to connect dots]

TT : Ok. [smile]

TT : So, you're a grad student from HK?

Sophie : I'm half Australian. Half Singaporean.

TT : Oh, I see. [smile]

Sophie : You?? YOu are M'sia right??? [eyes rolled]

TT : Yeah, I'm your neighbour. [calmly]

Sophie : Ah. That's what I thought. You can't be S'porean. You're too polite. [look who's talking]

TT : [smile]

-pointless chatter took place over wine between the three. 90% of the time, Sophie was all over Ackley.

Sophie : Hey, let's go grab dinner, shall we? [looking entirely at Ackley]

Ackley : Sure! [who have been looking at TT all the time]

Sophie : great [still looking at Ackley]

TT : Great! Then you guys can go ahead without me. I've other dinner to attend to.

Ackley : Awww... too bad... You sure?

Sophie : [failed to hide her wide curved lips] Really??!!

TT : Yup, you guys have fun. [smile]

TT : Nice to meet you Sophie [smileeeeeee]

TT : Take care!

Sophie : You too. [mimicking a cat's purring]

Sophie : Ok! Let's go. [aimed at Ackley]

Sophie : Bye.

In the end, TT could not retrieved her rolling head...

oh, by the way, Ackley is a blond American.

Bored in lingerie

I have always miss this friend of mine.. ever since she had gone back to her home..

I will remember not to forget you

The one whom I never realized to be such an impact on me..

Friends o friends...

Friends o friends...

may the fake ones go away...

learn to be truthful someday...

may the opportunistic ones leave...

bet your chances not on somebody you care...

may the greedy ones disappear...

pray that your greed would not engulf you...

may the hateful ones go too...

hope that you find inner peace...

Friends o friends..

We've come so far not to be destroyed by what is ironic in this world..

We should envision pass all calamities...

We should prioritize what had been built throughout the decades...

I have appreciated your presence..

And I accepted all your flaws...

Please do not take advantage of what I have planted in all..

Friends o friends...

I am aware... Not deaf... Not mute... Not blind...

Just silent.

Friends o friends...

That someone...

When you just needed that someone...

because she's dearly missed...

Friendship

Those who matters, would not hurt you.
Those who hurt you, do not matter.

Because I would always remember to scribble the slappings on sand.
And engrave your kind deeds on stones.

Through my hands

Stickers. Papers. Strings.

Cut. Paste. Cut again. Paste more. Design. Arrange. Paste alot more.
Genuinity
Reduce Reuse Recycle
Colours
Scribble Scribble
Mail

The joy of brightening up another's day...
Priceless.

Twinc

the aftermath twin sharing bed

eye sores for jazz





I miss my Kuching.

Love Tale Rewinded

Well, just a repitition from my FB note. Would like to share it, prior to my previous post :-

Life is too precious for too many wrongs,
for we only walk this way, once.

whether you are Single - In a relationship - Attached - Separated - Engaged - Married - Divorced - Widowed... this article is a good read.

A good daily reminder for all.

MARRIAGE
from an unknown source.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.

I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead...

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.



Thank you unknown author. You helped enlightened another's mind.

Forgiveness is choosing to love.

It is the first skill of self-giving love.

[Mohandas K. Gandhi]

When two is better than one

It's a roaring year for knots getting tied this year. I vividly recall grandma mumbling something about not being auspicious to get married this year. But, it seems just the opposite for our modern society these days. Soooooooooo many of my friends, family, relatives and colleagues signing off their bachelor/bachelorette life in 2010.

I wonder, if they are really sure they have found the right one. Or they just do it out of loyalty? courtesy? Or taking another plunge into the next stage of their lives?

Like I said, each step is a giant leap.. saviour it.

Anyways, I do wish them happiness, compassion and lots of love 'til they breathe their last. Love itself, work wonders to make miracles happen. For those who waded through, would be blessed and praised.

Well Grandma, your prediction is museum now.

Raya-ing at Hong Kong

Raya gathering at Malaysia Consulate in Hong Kong. First time raya-ing overseas. For me, it felt like home. Bliss....

Great place. [penthouse]

Good company.

Good food.

Good presence.

Good varieties of kuih.

A cure for homesickness. (",)

Going Down Under

Dear all,

Thank you for being my loyal readers all these while. I guess I'll be out of reach [ehem, ehem, again...] for another 3 weeks at most.

Remember my new year's resolution? I'm bout to succeed in realizing one of my utmost dreams I've posted in my list! Hooray to me!

Well, a dream will remain a dream if you are determine to say it so. As for me, I'm lucky tthat I realize the importance of differentiating what's fate and what's man-made. :)

I'll be leaving KL for Melbourne for 2 weeks!!! I can' thank God enough for providing me such generous reward this year. Don't worry guys, I'll be back to share all the goodies here, definitely in my blog. Please stay tune and I can surely promise dozens of pictures.

Better wait til I pass the immigration smoothly before I continue mumbling about achieving my dreams and so on....

I'll tune in again once I've touch down M'sia. See you guys around soon!

Reefs for the Future

I could not keep track how many have supported this campaign. But, I am clearly aware that this had an impact on divers who clicked on this banner I had put up a couple of months ago.

Thank you for your support & letting me know how much you cared for reefs!

The Day I Met With A Stranger...

Yesterday, I went window shopping at KLCC. I grew tired and sat at a bench. A young lad found an empty seat beside me and decided to join the crowd. Amazingly, this guy change my thought to begin this auspicious year.

He struck up a friendly conversation with me. Dressed smartly in suit and leather shoes, I can hardly imagine he dropped out of school at the age of 15. Good-looking and very honest, he poured out his family histories to me. Shocked, I hesitated at first, and kept myself prepared for the worst. I thought to myself, listening won't bring me any harm. I decided that once he sells his products to me, I'll excuse myself to the loo!

Barely 20, so young but very wise and thoughtful in his choice of words. I studied his expression and body language as he carried on with his adventure embracing life the big city. He was well composed, eager, jolly and extremely positive.

He relate his worst scenarios in the city. His wallet was snatched away on the first day he set foot in Kuala Lumpur. He did not seem angry, but seem to be more keen to share his stories. That incident was mild to him as he had greater things to bear in life. He learned to let bygones be bygones and continue to live life as this is the real reality.

His salary is merely RM800 due to his lack of academic approach. Curious, I asked why he is willing to spend 3/4 of his salary living in the city rather than his hometown? The standard of living is different in the urban and rural areas, and once you've accustomed to life to the city, it has become a norm to you, he said. "I even gave RM500 to my mum too!"

This young man really does not seem to mind. He did not portray innocent or clueless young minds like any other teenagers. He knows what he wants in life and what life can give to him. He realizes he's capable to battle, only at certain arena of work. Impressively, he is willing to go the distance not to prove to others he can do it, but to make sense out of living.

He's young and energized, and believe that he has to work to earn a living. He can't continue depending on his father's business for life. And he wanted to come experience what is painful in life and live with no regrets. I was taken aback, as those came from a thoughtful mind of a teenager.

He asked whether I had experienced penniless days, and I said no. He told me that he once watched a bus traveling back to his hometown pass him by. It is not that he doesn't want to go home, but, his pockets are empty. He reminded me that poor people are willing to spend and are more generous because they know what it feels being poor.

He left a phrase for me that day, "Everyday, we encounter possibilities and for sure, nothing is certain until it is proven so."

He's just not the ordinary teen that I met everyday. He had views of a 50 year old and wisdom of a 30 year old.

At the end of yesterday, as I found myself rocking on a bench waiting for commuter, I felt so blessed that I had the chance to pursue my passion and dreams. I realize I have the opportunity to choose. I have different paths to take and all, I believe will have a bright future ahead.

What I learned from the 19 year old?
When we thought the world is hopeless and frail, it is not up to us to judge.